The Choice
by StarrGazer
Summary: Sam is sick, and has to make a choice that could affect all of SG1. What are the repercussions? Eventual SJ of course
1. Chapter 1

A/N: And voila – my next story. Completely unrelated to the Sweetest Sin. The sequel (that I started writing first) is still giving me a hard time, but I do promise to post it as soon as it gets itself organized in my head.

This one is angsty – in a different way to my last one – please bear with me. I have the first two chapters completed, and have roughed out the third…

Please R&R and let me know what you think – this is a harder one to write.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Sadly. Hey… do you think they'd sell 'em to me?

* * *

**The Choice Ch1**

She just wasn't herself lately. Hadn't been for a long while, and he had no idea what to do for her. No more happy-go-lucky science Sam. Just some sort of shell.

In the weeks prior, she seemed to be in some sort of pain. When he questioned her about it, she would just brush him off, and tell him it was nothing for him to worry about. But he still caught her grimaces.

She had been going to the infirmary a bit more than usual, but due to doctor patient confidentiality, Janet was able to keep whatever was affecting his 2IC behind closed doors.

Because it (apparently) hadn't been caused off world on a mission, and didn't stop her from being able to do her work, Jack didn't have to be made aware of what was going on. And that bothered him, because there was clearly something wrong with her, and all he wanted to do was help.

When they were off world she always stayed the good soldier - was aware of her surroundings, and any imminent threats. She stayed alert in briefings and acted like she was interested in what was being said – but when it was her turn to speak, there was less passion behind her explanations. And the big one - when it came to working in her lab, team nights and their occasional get-togethers in the commissary she just didn't seem to be there anymore; didn't seem to have the same drive as she used to. Like something inside of her had died. And he was worried.

* * *

(flashback to two months earlier)

_Janet came into the room with an extremely sad expression on her face._

"_Sam honey, I'm so sorry."_

"_What is it Jan?"_

"_We've finally got your results back, and it doesn't look good."_

_Tears started to gather in Sam's eyes. She needed to know what was wrong, but at the same time, didn't want to hear it. Like 'out of sight, out of mind' – if she didn't know what was causing the problems, then perhaps they would just disappear._

"_Jan?" she prompted_

"_It's endometriosis Sam. And it's pretty bad. And Jolinar didn't help matters much. Her presence in your system would have eventually caused it to heal, however she wasn't there long enough, and what little she did start to repair, became even more out of control once she was dead, as she hadn't fully started the healing process; not to mention the presence of Naquadah that now remains in your blood stream."_

"_What does this mean? Aren't there things you can do? I mean, it's just mis-placed scar tissue, right? There are operations to scrape it out… aren't there? Anything…" her voice trailed off, as the enormity of what Janet was telling her started to sink in._

"_That type of surgery, in this case, would only help a tiny bit. There's just too much of it, and it's all over the inside of your abdomen. The only real 'cure' for you would be a hysterectomy."_

_The tears really started flowing then. From both Sam and Janet._

"_What about kids?" She barely whispered_

_If you want even the slightest chance – and it would be extremely slight – you would need to start trying now. And that's if the Naquadah doesn't get in the way. Best case scenario, you could conceive within one year. After that time period it will most likely be too late, and you would need the surgery."_

_Janet gave her a big hug, and Sam just let loose all of her grief into her friends shoulder._

(end flashback)

* * *

She felt dead inside. Now that she knew how unlikely she was to conceive, she realized how much she really wanted to have children – how much she always had. She just hadn't wanted them now – not at this time in her life.

She was finally living her dream – after working to get to the top in the StarGate program, she was finally venturing through the portal on a regular basis, rewriting scientific theories, and making other new and wonderful discoveries along the way. She was experiencing things that others could only come up with in their imaginations.

And her team; she loved them. If she left now to have a child, where would that leave SG-1? They'd probably find a replacement. But when she returned from mat leave, she would most likely be kept in the labs, or reassigned. There was no guarantee with the Air Force that if you held a job prior to mat leave, it would be yours when you returned.

Then there was the question of who to have children with. She and Jonas had discussed it, but he was dead now, and anyways, she couldn't imagine going to him with this request – or having kids with him. There was always in-vitro, sperm donors. But to be honest, that was a cold way of going about having a baby – and she'd be left to raise it on her own, when the time came.

To be realistic, there was only one man in this world she could imagine having a child with, and it could never happen.

So she'd just cut her losses. She'd rather have Jack's friendship, be able to work with him side by side, and keep her team/family together as opposed to losing them for a baby.

She cried herself to sleep that night, and every night for a good long time after that heart wrenching decision.

* * *

A/N 2: This is an idea I had after reading a story on another site. 

I know that many people's experiences with Endometriosis are different, so if any of you have heard of or experienced different things with it, please forgive the way my story goes. One of my very good friends has Endometriosis, and was told she couldn't conceive, only to find herself pregnant with twins two years later (after refusing any surgery or treatment). So it is possible, and please keep this in mind as you read.

Also, please accept my Jolinar explanation. I'm going to stay on the thought process that she really wasn't in Sam long enough to heal her…

Cheers :)


	2. Chapter 2

Hello everyone.

First of all - to everyone who reviewed - thank you so much! As you all already know from my replies, they are all very much appreciated and encouraging! I hope you all enjoy this chap as much as you did the first one.

To SamCrazed - I couldn't reply to your review, so I wanted togive you my thanks here for reviewing. Iagree with you that yes, it is a very scary thing to face! Like I said in my last chapter, I have a friend who has Endometriosis.It's very painful, and the doctors weren't/aren't overly positive with her. But we all were/are (friends, family, etc.), and she ended up with two beautiful daughters after she was told she wouldn't have any children at all. Perhaps it will be this way for Sam...? Tune in and see :) (but there will be angst in the meantime...) Thank you again!

Sorry for the delay in getting this up to you. Life. Bah... gets in the way sometimes... Anyways - here it is. Let me know if you enjoy!

Please forgive any mistakes - this started out at 2.5 pages and is now 5 pages. I have revised a few times, but there may stillbe some errors. If you find any, please let me know!

Disclaimer... if I click my heels and go to Oz to ask the wizard if I could own the show, would it happen? No? ahhh well... what can a girl do? (I'm trying to be creative with the disclaimer... sorry :) )

* * *

**The Choice. Ch 2**

Sam managed to keep everything regarding her health a secret from her friends, with the exception of Janet, for close to three years.

But best laid plans never work out… And so, she and her team were off world, on P9X 548 to be exact, when her decision to avoid the surgery, and keep it all inside came crashing down around her.

* * *

Carter had been really lethargic and out of it this mission, not able to keep up the appearance of being the 'good little soldier'. Observing his 2IC behaving in a way he'd never seen before, Jack decided that since they hadn't found anything of interest, they should head for home a day early. 

He was over-exaggerating though. There were things on the planet that did hold some promise, but none that were so important they couldn't wait for another team to come look at them. He, Daniel and Teal'c were just using that as an excuse to get her back to Earth.

They had a bit of a rough time traveling back to the 'Gate as it was storming, and Sam couldn't move at her regular pace - so they ended up having to stop for the night. The Colonel decided they would change the order in which they took watch so Sam could get straight sleep, instead of being interrupted part way through the night.

Normally when they were off world, they had an exact watch pattern. Teal'c first, because he didn't really 'need' sleep and could afford to be a night hawk. Jack followed, then Sam, and lastly Daniel (they made Daniel go last, so he got a complete night's sleep. And had a few hours to adjust to being awake, so as not to be grumpy. Sam was always the one to wake him up, because she was "more gentle" with him than perhaps the others would be).

Just as they were turning in for the night, the boys decided that they would skip Sam's watch altogether, and put Daniel first, followed by the Colonel, then Teal'c.

This mission, Sam and Jack were sharing a tent, as the team always took their tent pairings in turn. Once inside their shelter, Jack checked on Sam, before settling in for the first leg of his night's rest. She seemed a little warm to the touch, but other than that ok, so he dozed off until Daniel came to retrieve him for his turn at guarding the camp. Once his watch was done, the Colonel returned to the tent where his Major was still sleeping.

He thought he heard her give a small moan, but chalked it up to her dreaming, and so drifted off to sleep for the remainder of the night.

He vaguely heard Teal'c come in a little while later to check on her. He was talking to her, but she didn't seem to be responding, which was completely out of character for the Major, who normally woke up at the drop of a hat.

Jack started paying more attention to the goings on, and awakened fully to find Teal'c standing over the unresponsive Sam. Fear grabbed at his chest, as he rushed to the other side of the tent to see what was the matter with her.

He knelt by her side, and gently shook her until she woke, and was able to focus on his face.

"Carter, what's wrong?"

She moaned, grabbed her abdomen, and curled back onto her side.

"Right. Teal'c, start packing up, then go and dial the 'Gate. Get Daniel to help you – we're taking her home now!"

Jack gently lifted Sam out of her bedroll, carried her out of their tent and laid her by the dying fire. He collapsed the tent as quickly as he could, then packed everything away for the remainder of the journey to the 'Gate. Once that was done, the men strapped their packs on their backs, with Daniel shouldering Sam's. The Colonel gently lifted her and started to carry her towards the 'Gate.

"O'Neill. Should I not be the one to carry Major Carter?" Teal'c, who hesitated to leave the camp first, asked, concern clear in his voice.

"Not this time buddy. You can run faster than me. Go ahead and dial up the 'Gate - tell them to have the Doc and her cronies waiting for us at the bottom of that ramp when we get through." Jack ordered his friend.

Teal'c just inclined his head, and ran off ahead of the group. Daniel brought up the rear.

"I'm so sorry, Sir." Sam barely whispered.

"Shhhh, Sam, it's ok. We'll be home soon, and the Doc will have you all fixed up."

She closed her eyes, and leaned her head back on his shoulder for the remainder of the trip.

* * *

The guys paced impatiently outside of Iso. room 4 as they waited for Janet to let them in to see Sam, and also to let them know what was going on with her. 

Jack could hear bits and pieces of Sam and Janet's conversation as he paced, so he finally decided to stop, relax against the wall and eavesdrop.

"Sam, I warned you, you should have had the surgery 3 years ago. Then none of this would be happening. I'm going to have to inform the General about this now, and the Colonel. No more Doctor/patient confidentiality, as it has affected your team on an off-world mission."

"Janet, NO! You can't. Please…" Sam was pleading, and it was breaking Jack's heart to hear her that way.

He wondered for the umpteenth time, what was wrong with his 2IC?

* * *

"Sam. I don't have a choice about telling – but… fine… I will only tell the General. I know you don't want anyone else to know, but I really can't keep this from him anymore. Remember, we originally didn't plan on waiting this long to operate. You were going to try to have a child within the year, and then we were going to do the hysterectomy. You've waited too long, the scar tissue has spread even more, and there's probably no chance of you having kids now. You've put your body through hell. We should operate ASAP." 

Sam, reenergized by the thought of never having her own children, said more forcefully, "No, Janet. No. There is still a small chance that I could have kids of my own, even with the growth of the tissue." Janet tried to interrupt her, to make her see reason, but she wouldn't listen. "AND," Sam interrupted, "even if that chance is .05 of a percent, it is still higher than the zero percent it would be without my uterus. So, no. I'll deal with the pain, and just hope for a child one day."

"Sam, it's more than just the pain you have to deal with now. Don't you see? It affected your performance on a mission, and could have put you and your team in danger."

Sam just leaned back on her pillows, and turned her face away from her friend. She didn't want to deal with this right now, as much as it needed to be dealt with. Millions of thoughts were racing pell-mell through her head. What would the Colonel think? What if she _had_ put them in harms way? She would never forgive herself for that. But even though her logical mind was telling her Janet was right, she still didn't want the surgery. She still wanted to cling to that tiny ray of hope.

* * *

Jack stayed stone still. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Sam, wanting to have kids, but possibly not being able to - because of some tissue? Sam being told she should have had surgery years ago, but not wanting to. 

All of a sudden everything clicked into place. Why she was so sad and seemingly not herself all those years ago, when he first started to worry about her... Care about her...Why her face dropped when she saw people off world with new born babies – the smiles that didn't replace the haunted look in her eyes. All the thoughts that must have been running through her head as she contemplated a future that might not include kids of her own.

* * *

Suddenly Janet spoke up again, more softly this time, but just as persistent. Sam didn't turn her way. 

"And Sam, get the thought of 'one day' out of your head. Don't you see? You could become even more ill. And the chances of you conceiving are probably smaller than .05 percent. Realistically, you are not going to be able to conceive. I'm so sorry, hon. Besides, have you thought about whom you would have a child with? It's not like you could just walk out into the street, flag down the first guy you saw, and jump him to try to give you a child."

Janet took a deep breath when Sam still refused to look at her, and so checked the monitors beside the bed one last time, and made to leave the room.

She hated to sound so cold and condescending to her best friend, but she had given them a scare. She had been warned repeatedly that she needed to have the surgery to be healthy, and still she didn't listen – and now she had put her team in harms way. She shook her head. What would it take to get her to see to reason?

Janet gave another deep sigh, as she pulled open the door to step through to the hallway.

* * *

Jack heard some movement, followed by Janet coming out into the hallway, closing the door behind her as she went. Jack looked at her face, and saw the sad expression there, before she replaced it with her 'Doctor's Mask' and told them to wait about ten minutes before heading in to see their teammate. She then turned and headed for her office. 

Thinking quickly, he asked Daniel and Teal'c if they would mind if he talked to Sam on his own before they came in. He needed some time with her, alone, to figure out what was going on. And to see if he could help her.

They nodded, confused a bit at this request, as they hadn't heard the full extent of the bedside conversation like he had, and headed to the commissary for some coffee and lunch while they waited.

Jack quietly made his way into Sam's room, closing the door behind him, not wanting to disturb or upset her with company, but needing to talk to her.

He watched her, laying on her side with her back to him, as he moved across the room, and noticed that her shoulders were shaking slightly.

She was crying.

He lowered himself onto the side of her bed, rolled her over gently, and pulled her up into his arms.

She grabbed onto his shirt in tight fists as she cried into his chest. He just held her tightly, and rocked back and forth, trying to calm her down.

Once her crying had slowed down, and had turned into only the odd shudder, he whispered to her gently, "Sam, why didn't you tell me?"

She looked up into his eyes, and what he saw reflected in hers broke his heart some more.

"I couldn't, Sir." Nothing more than that.

She turned her face back into his chest, and moved her arms around him to get a more secure hold. After a short time, she dozed off into a restless sleep.

Jack shifted their positions so he could move his legs up onto the bed, and hold her while she slept.

He was even more confused now than he had been to begin with.

But he decided to be patient, and let her get some rest first, before drilling into her for the answers he needed.


	3. Chapter 3

Hello again everyone – a short update for you today.

I apologize for the delay in getting this posted. Unfortunately, we had a death in our family, and a few other family things happen over the last two weeks that sort of forced real life to become a priority for a while.

I notice that well over 600 people have read my story, which is so amazing, and I thank you!

But still so few review. I promise I'm not begging here, but please let me know what you are thinking when you read this. Even if it's negative (though if it is, please be gentle). I look forward to hearing from more people!

I hope you all enjoy this chapter – and I will try to have more up for you again soon!

Thanks for your patience!

Cheers :)

* * *

**The Choice, Ch. 3**

A short while later, Janet came into the room and found Jack holding Sam while she slept.

He looked at her with an expression that clearly told her he had been helpless to stand by and not comfort her.

She gave him a small smile, and came over to the bed.

Jack whispered to the Doctor, so as not to disturb the woman sleeping in his arms, while she checked their friends' vitals.

"Doc, what are her chances?"

"In all honesty, Sir, not great. She's known about this for three years, and had time to do something about it, but chose not to. The longer she waits or in this case, waited, the less likely it would be for her to have a child."

"What if she tried other ways, like in-vitro, or something? Would that increase her chances?"

"It's hard to say, Sir. Probably not, though, as her body would be just as likely to reject a fetus conceived that way, in comparison to the 'conventional' way."

At this Jack blushed, but nodded and turned his attention back to Sam. He needed some time to think.

* * *

When Sam finally awoke, later on that evening, she found herself still in her COs arms. 

One thought kept racing through her head 'He knows. Oh my God, he knows.' The full realization hit her, and she was hesitant to find out what he thought – thought of her, of the situation she was in, and of the situation she had put them in off world.

* * *

Jack felt Sam stir, and turned a little so he could better see her face. 

He didn't even wait – he just jumped right into question mode.

"Sam. Why didn't you tell me, us?"

"I couldn't." she groggily replied.

"But if you had, maybe I/we could have… helped… you." At this they both shifted awkwardly, and Sam looked away to the other side of the infirmary.

"I didn't want to break up the team." She spoke up after awhile.

"Sam. You couldn't have broken us up. We would have been there for you – regardless of the reasons."

"But if I had had a baby, you would all be going off-world while I stayed here, and when I came back…"

"But we would still have been a team," Jack interrupted her "even if not off-world together. And we could have requested that your place be filled only temporarily while you were off on leave – and then brought you back on afterwards."

"What about the hypothetical baby, though. Who would have helped me raise it? I don't want to be a single parent – not to mention the daycare issues with being off-world. These were all things that weighed heavily into my decision." She stated, clinically.

He let that statement hang in the air for a moment before he brought up his next point. She knew darn well he, Daniel and Teal'c wouldn't have let her go through anything on her own.

"So, you decided not to have a baby, and yet you didn't have the surgery. Sounds kind of conflicted to me." Jack whispered softly.

She looked up at him with that heart breaking stare again, and he saw tears welling up in her eyes.

"Other people on this base manage it, single parenthood, Sam. Why couldn't you? You're more capable, and much stronger than the lot of them. And we would have helped – you know that! Do you really want kids Sam?" He pressed ahead.

"Yes…" she whispered hesitantly, knowing where this was most likely headed.

"Then what was stopping you?" he asked her.

"I can't, Sir. Just… I can't tell you, ok?" she looked away again, but this time he caught her chin in his hand and turned her face back to his.

"What are you so afraid of? Tell me, as a friend, not as your CO. What could possibly have stopped you from taking this chance when you had it?" his eyes searched hers endlessly, hoping for the answer to his question.

And a single word fell from her lips, along with tears from her eyes.

"You."


	4. Chapter 4

Ok – here we go – another chapter.

First of all, thank you all so much for your wonderful reviews – and your condolences. They meant so much – and helped so much, as well.

This chapter, while mapped out for a while, was harder for me to write (I keep going over it again and again, and finding more to change… (very frustrating!) and I really don't understand why – I hope you all like it though. Please let me know what you think!

I'm sorry for the delay in posting this – RL is being a real pain in the Mikta… :)

And without further ado…

* * *

He couldn't explain it. It felt like he had been walloped in the gut, made horribly, painfully, breathless - while at the same time excited butterflies were beating a mad tempo in his abdomen.

Me? He thought. What about me could have possibly made her choose not to have a baby?

She started wiping at her tears, and brought him out of his reverie in the process.

He took her face gently in his hands, and thumbed away the moisture that she had missed.

"Why me, Sam?" He asked, impossibly gently.

She took a deep shuddering breath, and made eye contact with him, which sent indescribable sensations through every nerve ending in his body.

With her deep blue eyes locked on his dark brown ones, she parted her lips, took yet another breath, and told him softly, "I couldn't imagine anyone other than you to have a child with." She looked away then, shy of what she was revealing. "But we barely knew each other at the time. Two years isn't all that long, Sir. And you can't just ask that of someone out of the blue anyways – except for maybe a significant other (she was starting to babble now), and even then it takes a huge amount of planning. You were not mine, could not be mine, as much as I wanted you to be, and I couldn't put you in that position. Not to mention our careers…" She drifted off slowly, still not looking at him, and bit her lower lip, dreading his sure to be angry reaction. Who knew if he even wanted kids anymore, after Charlie, let alone her. What a horrible position she was putting him in.

His heart picked up the pace, if that was even possible. He felt as though he was running a marathon, and couldn't quite keep up. Her words were starting to sink in. Him. That was why she hadn't had kids? She'd only wanted him, but didn't want to hurt him, his career? She wanted him! And had for a fairly long time! Wow.

"Sam. All you had to do was talk to me about it. Maybe not ask, but at least talk – tell me what you were going through. We could have worked it out – worked something out. You shouldn't have let it go this far."

"I guess I just thought that one day it…" she sighed. "…something - would happen, whether between you and me (which was what I hoped for), or with someone else. That one day every piece of the puzzle would fall into place. And if it had gone as I wanted, I sure wouldn't be sitting here, now, in pain, fearing the surgery I most likely have to have. I didn't expect to wait, put it off, for this long." She trailed off again, making eye contact once more.

He looked down lovingly at her face (_was_ that love she saw in his eyes? she couldn't breathe for it), and smiled a gentle smile.

He leaned in closer, "Do you still want to try for them? Kids, I mean?"

She nodded slowly, unable to look away from his handsome face.

Before her mind had a chance to really process what she might be committing herself to – and before registering the rules and regs that could prevent it from happening, Daniel, with his impeccable timing, opened the door to the room and was followed in by Teal'c, to see how she was doing.

* * *

A/N 2: I just have to say it! YAY CANADA! We're actually doing better than expected at the Olympics for once! YAY TEAM! 


	5. Chapter 5

Hello again everyone.

First of all, let me apologize for the delay in getting this next chapter posted.

RL (surgery, promotion with lots of work… etc etc) has reared its' ugly head yet again. I tried to do some writing during my time off, post surgery – but that didn't really work out so well. It must have looked hilarious, though!

(Must mention here that the promotion means I don't have to head back to my other, despised job! Yay!... really had to add that. Sorry about that :) )

At work we have decided (out of a fair bit of desperation) that July will herald the end of the CRAZINESS that has dominated this year, and I hope that that's true, and that everything calms down now!

I found this chapter fairly hard to write. I wanted to, obviously, keep the characters… in character… (go figure) – but found it hard to do. I've re-written it a few times, and this is it. I'm not going over it again. Comments are quite welcome, as they will help with future difficult chapters!

I want to thank all of my lovely reviewers. I really appreciate the time you take to let me know what you think! Now that I'm back, I hope to start doing the same for you all over again.

To Kat, because I wasn't able to reply to your review… For starters thank you! Daniel Jackson does indeed have a knack for having the worse timing! I don't know why he does, but I did feel the need to put that in there… I'm glad you are enjoying this, and I hope you continue to do so! Cheers:)

And now, on with the show:

Disclaimer. Still not mine. Poo.

* * *

**The Choice Ch. 5**

Daniel and Teal'c were surprised to see the way Jack was sitting on Sam's bed, but decided to ignore it, and instead started asking questions of their sick friend.

* * *

Jack sat listening to Sam and the guys talk for a few minutes, then squeezed her hand and got up from the edge of the bed. He needed to take a walk and clear his head for a bit. 

As he walked, he berated himself.

_For crying out loud! What have I just done? Of course I would have done the same thing a million years ago, a million times over, but oh my God. Now. In the middle of the infirmary. While she's sick. I just hope she doesn't think I'm an ass once we get her out of this place._

His thoughts wandered farther then – to what he had really offered Carter. The chance to have kids. But not just any kids – His. And, in reality, the chance to be with him. He hadn't even stopped to consider what he was doing. He cared so much that she was ok, and got what she wanted, that he had offered himself in the one way he had never planned on doing again. Not after Charlie. Not after all of that hurt.

But he found that when he considered starting a family again with Carter, he could picture it, and he didn't feel the panic coming on. He realized he did want more kids – and not just any kids. Hers.

Of course, this was all contingent on her saying yes. What if she only wanted the kids, and not him? No. She had said she could only see herself having kids with him – that meant she would want him too, right?

After a few minutes of wandering and contemplating, Jack looked up and found himself outside of General Hammonds' office. He hadn't deliberately set out to go there, but upon his arrival, knew it was the place he needed to be.

He took a deep breath, knocked, and once beckoned, dove in head first.

* * *

General Hammond looked up from his paperwork to find his 2IC in front of him with such a look of determination on his face, he almost dreaded what was to come. He suspected, of course, what this visit might be about. He knew, in his heart, what his 2IC and _his_ 2IC felt for each other, even though they did a formidable job of trying to keep it hidden. 

He took a deep breath and sighed, thankful that at least it had taken this long for this day to arrive. He bid the man to take a seat in front of him. Better to get this done and over with…

* * *

Jack fiddled nervously with his fingers as he contemplated how to say what he wanted to, to his superior officer. General Hammond sat with an expectant look on his face as he waited to hear him out. 

"Sir. I need to talk to you about Carter. What I mean to say is, Carter is very sick, and I'm… no, we're worried about her. What I mean is… ARGH. Permission to speak freely, Sir?" He was mentally berating himself again... _Sure Jack, right out with it, why don't you – don't even set the conversation up. Good start…_

"Go ahead son." The General was worried, as this seemed worse than he had thought. Jack wasn't a man of many words, but he didn't often have problems getting out what he wanted to say, when it was important enough.

Jack leaned forward in his chair, clasping his two hands together, took a deep breath, and started again.

"General. Carter is very sick. From what the Doc says, she has been for a long while."

"Jack, I know. Doctor Frasier has made me aware of the situation affecting the Major. Now, what can I do for you?"

"Well, Sir. Carter's _condition_ has made it so that she may not be able to have kids. But she wants kids. The window in which she could have them is getting smaller… and I… I kind of offered to help her…" Jack trailed off sheepishly, looking away from his CO's face.

"You what?" The General had to ask.

"Uh, yeah. And I want to, Sir. With all due respect, this may be her only chance. And she deserves this opportunity. Regardless of the consequences." Jack was starting to get back into the swing of things.

"Jack, I can't just authorize this. I mean, first and foremost, how does Sam feel about this? Then, what about SG-1? You say regardless of the consequences. Have you even considered what you yourself would do with another child? How would this change your relationship with Major Carter? Could you work together again? Would you work together again? There are many different variables to take into consideration here – have you even stopped to think of one of them?" Hammond was also on a roll.

"Sir, the thing is I didn't, at first, when I made the offer. But as I let it all sink in, mostly on my way up here, I realized that yes, I can do this. And yes, I want to do this. And that no matter what, if it helps her, we can work everything else out later."

The General let out a long sigh.

"Jack. It's not as easy as it seems. I can't just ask for a dispensation to allow this. The regulations are in place for a reason, and can't just be bent on a whim."

"Sir, I'm not asking they be bent, per se. I'm just telling you that this is what I want and need to do. For myself yes, but mostly for Carter. She deserves it. She puts her life on the line on a daily basis for this command, and this country. And in return all she gets is a sickness that she put off treating to "save the world." A sickness that is going to alter her future, and take away her chance for one of the things she wants most in this world. And as childish as this is going to sound, that is not fair. Sir, if it comes to it, I will ask to be reassigned within the SGC, that way I would be out of her chain of command, but still working under yours." Jack let out the rest of the air in his lungs. He felt the burden lift as he did so. Finally, it was out in the open.

"Now Son, don't go jumping in with both feet just yet – remember that if this does happen, Major Carter will need to take leave anyways, and that may just give us enough time to work something out. I'm not promising anything, but I know that I don't want to move either of you from SG-1 – you are both too valuable. And I am sure that your teammates, and the president will feel the same way. Let me see what I can do."

Jack looked closely at his COs face. He knew what he said was the truth – that he couldn't promise anything, but that he would do his best to help him help Carter. He wasn't overly excited, because the chances of anything happening still weren't overly high – but he was a bit more optimistic than he had been.

"Thank you, Sir."

"You're welcome, Son. Dismissed."


	6. Chapter 6

Hello everyone!

Sorry, as always, for the long delay between updates! This time I feel maybe a teensy weensy bit less guilty, because it wasn't entirely my fault… hehe – excuses, excuses – I know.

My computer broke – and then when I finally got it back, I was on my way to Norway – and there was no updating from there – so here we go now that I'm back.

To my wonderful reviewers – thank you so much for your support! I'm sure you get how thankful I am to you from my review replies, but I needed to say it again – just once more! You guys are awesome!

Before my story, I just want to say how disappointed I am in SciFi. Please sign the petition to save SG-1 at:

www(dot)ipetitions(dot)com/petition/Stargate/index(dot)html

Also, there are many other things we can do as a whole to save this show! Just use Google to see what I mean! Please!

This isn't a very long update, and I apologize, but hopefully it gets things going again.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the show. Poo again. But if I won the lottery, I would pay for new seasons! But have them air on a different network! Ok… dreaming – but seriously… isn't there anything else we can do?

Anyway, on with the story…

€€€€€€€€

**The Choice Ch. 6**

Sam sat, and only half listened to her two friends as they nattered away.

She was worried.

Worried about what lay ahead of her, but mostly worried about Jack. Jack. In her thoughts it was always Jack. But she had to bury those feelings here, at work - keep them in the room.

He had left rather suddenly, and with only a squeeze of her hand. What was that all about? Was he really offering to help her have a baby? Had she misinterpreted his actions? What if Daniel and Teal'c breaking the atmosphere caused him to have second thoughts? What if he wasn't really offering to help her, and was thankful for the interruption their friends had caused?

What if, what if, what if? It was endless, and useless to analyze this any more than she already had.

When he had left so abruptly, she thought he had come to his senses and was angry at what he had seemingly offered. That he regretted it, and she didn't want that.

The whole time Daniel and Teal'c had been speaking to her, she had been dwelling on Jack's departure and his sure to come reappearance – only giving them a very small amount of her attention.

She made up her mind. She would not get her hopes up. If she had misunderstood him, she would go on as though nothing had ever happened between them. She would have the surgery – let it all go.

€€€€€€€€

Teal**'**c sensed that MajorCarter was not fully paying attention to what they were discussing. She was giving random, one word answers to questions – and even statements – that made absolutely no sense.

Even though she had a lot on her plate to begin with, as the Tauri would say, she had seemed exceptionally distant since O'Neill had left the infirmary. As if his departure had heaped it on even more.

Teal'c wouldn't force her to talk, though. He knew what it was like to need space.

He would just remain a stoic presence for her… and if she ever decided to open up, he would be there for her.

He just wondered if his friends even realized how obvious they were in their interactions with each other…

€€€€€€€€

About an hour later, Jack wandered back into the infirmary to find Daniel and Teal'c still talking to Sam.

Literally.

It wasn't a conversation, so much as Daniel bombarding her with thoughts and questions, Teal'c with the occasional 'indeed' and Sam barely responding.

He watched for a minute or so, then made his presence known.

She finally seemed to 'wake up' as he came up to her bed. He caught her eyes as he did so and saw something flash in them that caught him by surprise – uncertainty mixed with a bit of defiance.

'Why is she getting her back up now?' he wondered, 'Now when we might actually be getting somewhere.'

€€€€€€€€

Teal'c noticed the looks passing between the two officers and gently tapped Daniel on the shoulder.

He could feel the tension building in the air.

It would seem his suspicions might be closer to the truth than even he allowed himself to truly believe.

"We should leave DanielJackson, I believe we have overstayed as it is."

€€€€€€€€

As Jackand Daniel started to protest, Sam caught Teal'c's eye and gave a small nod of thanks.

Finally, Daniel relented and let himself be pulled from the room.

As much as she dreaded what she thought was to come, she wanted to get it done and over with.

She and Jack needed to talk.

€€€€€€€€

A/N 2: I apologize for the formatting in this chapter - for some reason, I am getting an error message when I try to set this chapter up like my previous ones. I will try to fix it up tomorrow, hopefully when the site is working properly again.


	7. Chapter 7

Hello everyone!

I am honestly tired of apologizing for the delays in this story... but I'm going to apologize anyway.

Needless to say, it would appear that I am jinxed when it comes to actually getting it posted!

Let's just put it this way…

I strongly dislike Bell Sympatico… I'm a little (teensy… really…) angry with Bell at the moment. I think I have spent more time talking to their techs on the phone, and running (literally) modem troubleshooting marathons through my house, than I have doing anything else since the summer! I'm sick of it. The latest is that there was something wrong with the settings for our account on their end, and it should be fixed now.

And then… I was having issues with my account here – but I don't think I'm the only one… (I haven't been getting all of my author alerts – so I know I've missed quite a few stories that I have been following. Bear with me – I'll get them all caught up by year's end!!)

Sorry for venting.

Anyway, this chapter wasn't so fun to write. I think I say something to this effect every time. The conversation between the two (which finally happens here – yay) wasn't so easy to write. But I'm posting it anyway. If I have an epiphany about how it should sound, I will re-do it later, and re-post it then.

Hope you all are well, and as always, thank you a million times over to my wonderful reviewers! You really do make my day :)!! I know I haven't replied to any of your reviews yet, but I will, I promise. Please forgive me for not replying yet and if it takes a while until I finally get a chance to - I promise I'm not taking them for granted!

Cheers!

* * *

**The Choice Ch. 7:**

Hammond rubbed his brow and picked up the receiver of the red phone on his desk.

"Get me the President." He ordered into the phone. He didn't mean to sound brusque, but he couldn't help it.

This was not going to be an easy call. In fact, some part of him was dreading it.

While he waited for the Commander in Chief to come to the phone, the General considered how he would word his plea. He had to make it good. After all, this really was Sam's last chance.

"Hello, Sir."

(Pause)

"Yes, Sir."

(Pause)

"Well, Sir…"

* * *

"Sir…" 

"Sam…"

They both started at the same time, once their friends had left the room.

If the tension earlier had been palpable, this time around it was unbearable.

"You first," Jack stated, taking a deep breath, and resuming his perch on the edge of her bed.

Sam (not missing the use of her first name) also took a deep breath, looked down at her hands and steeled herself for what she was about to say, and the reaction she would probably get for it.

It was so easy to build her determination when he wasn't around. She had a whole script in her head of what she was going to say, how she would 'save' him from the task of having to 'let her down'. But now, with him sitting in front of her, on her bed, she found it wasn't so easy.

If she had paid attention to that point alone, that she couldn't bear saying these things to him in the way she had planned, she would have realized that her heart was telling her all she needed to know. But she didn't follow her heart. She was a thinker more than a dreamer, and so went ahead and started on a butchered version of her speech.

Jack sat on the edge of her bed, waiting impatiently to hear what she had to say. He found he was holding his breath, and forced himself to breathe and appear comfortable about the conversation they were about to have.

Sam looked up and locked eyes with him.

"Sir, I understand how it must have seemed earlier. I didn't mean to let all of those emotions out – to corner you into thinking you needed to help me. I understand completely that you can't and probably don't want to help me, and I want to assure you that I would never expect you to.

"I've done a lot of thinking, and have decided that Janet is right – I shouldn't have waited this long, and the chances of me having a baby are pretty much zero. I shouldn't live my life based on dreams. I'm going to talk to her as soon as she gets back here, and set up the operation."

She looked away.

He sat there staring at her, dumbfounded by what she had just said. That was so _not_ what he was expecting to come tumbling out of her mouth, and he couldn't believe it!

What could possibly have led her to believe that he wouldn't want to do anything in his power to help her? And how could she possibly speak as though having given up all hope – this was something that all of two hours ago she had fought so fiercely for, and now she was willing to throw it all away? What the heck had happened?

He found he couldn't bring himself to look away from her hands, which had caught his eyes, as they clenched and unclenched the edge of her hospital blanket, let alone form a coherent sentence to use as an argument.

She started to get even more anxious. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched as Jack sat there, staring at her hands, doing a pretty good fish impression.

She guessed she had hit the nail right on the head – he _had_ had second thoughts, and she had just beat him to the punch with her speculation, and statement.

And so she rushed on.

"Fact is, Sir, I put you and myself and the rest of the team in danger by not dealing with this sooner. I should have been realistic about my chances – about my life. I don't think I was meant to be more than I am right now – a scientist on a front line Air Force team. That's dream come true enough." She was rambling again. "Besides, if I had had a baby, and then come back to work and something had happened to me, I would have been doing to that baby what happened to Mark and me, and I can't even begin to imagine putting a little someone through that."

Jack's eyes flashed as he listened to her, and something finally snapped in his head and allowed him to actually form a thought, and get it out of his mouth and into the open.

"Carter. Look, I don't know what happened in the time I left this room, and came back again, but I do know that there's something not right here. I can't believe that after fighting for so long, you would so easily give this up. I offered to help you. I wasn't joking or lying when I did. I wouldn't have done so if I didn't really want to. I don't understand where you get the impression you're pressuring me into something. What – do you not want me to help you? Am I not good enough?" He huffed out angrily, his cheeks starting to burn.

Ok. _Not_ the reaction she had been expecting.

"God… No Sir – nothing like that," Sam stuttered out, as she looked up at him with a shocked expression. "It's just… I don't know…"

Jack realized he should probably calm down a bit, and so started more softly. "Yes Sam, you do," Looking deeply into her eyes, he tried again. "Now tell me. What's bothering you?"

His gentle tone broke something in Sam and she found she had to let everything that was nagging at her about this situation out in that exact moment.

"What if I can't do it. Be a Mum. Raise someone the way they deserve to be raised. Be the parent they deserve to have. I don't know how to be a Mum. I feel like I have so few memories of what it was like to be mothered. Where do I draw inspiration from?"

Jack, so glad that she was finally really opening up to him, found himself trying to soothe his 2IC of her worries. "Sam. You'll be a great Mum. I've seen the way you are with kids off world. Heck, look at Cassie. You were willing to die with her so she wouldn't be alone. You have all you need inside of you from your Mum – love – you'll be a great mother because of that alone. Who cares about scraped knees and diapers – love is most important, the rest can be learned. Just wait."

Sam looked away, trying to hold back tears, and realized she had never thought about it quite like that. The Colonel, who tried to convince them all of how dumb he was on quite a regular basis, had just made one of the most eloquent statements she had ever heard. That gave her pause for a moment. Then she brought up another point that had been running through her mind repeatedly.

"And what about… us," she glanced his way quickly, before averting her eyes again. "We can't just up and decide to have kids. You're my CO. The regs state we can't be together. Would we raise a child together, while being apart? And again, what about something happening on a mission – and a child being left hanging in the balance?"

Jack shook his head incredulously. He couldn't believe how many arguments she had against this happening.

Instead of calling her on it, he just looked at her profile to gauge her reaction to his next statement. "I've spoken to Hammond. About us."

Now it was Sam's turn to imitate the fish as she turned her head and stared, surprised, at him.

Jack chuckled. "He can't promise us anything, but he said he would give it a go with the president, to see if something can be done for us."

"Wow." Suddenly there were thousands of butterflies flitting through her abdomen.

"Yeah. And don't worry about the off world stuff. That can all be worked out in the future – if a baby becomes reality. Stop putting up barriers, and just let it happen."

Sam nodded, and realized, again, that what he was saying was right. She should just let go and see where things ended up.

"Is Hammond upset with me? Are you? For what happened off world?" She had to ask one more time, and get an answer once and for all.

"It happened Sam. It's done and over with. Yes, you put us all in potential danger, but we're ok. We made it back in one piece. That's what's most important. You didn't mean for it to happen. Your intent to keep it secret wasn't malicious. Write it up in your report, and then just let it go."

Sam nodded. She whispered one last sentence before the two fell into an amicable silence, as they let all that they had just brought out in the open wash over them and sink in.

"I'm sorry."

He didn't need to ask what for. He understood the barriers she had tried to put up, or keep up, around her heart – and how voicing all of her doubts had been an attempt to try to push him away – give him an out – before they were locked in for the long haul, even if she herself hadn't realized it at the time.

Jack just smiled and pulled her to his side for a hug.

They might actually be doing this!

* * *

Hammond gently replaced the receiver into its cradle and sat back in his chair. 

That had been one the hardest conversations he'd ever had, and he was glad it was over.

A slow grin crept over his face.

* * *

Ooooh! One more question… anyone reading this going to the SG Con in Vancouver next March?? Tell tell!! Lol :) 

I am heading to Florida with my family this coming Friday, so I probably won't be posting until Christmas week - when I am off, and planning on doing nothing but reading and sleeping... lol :).

Please R&R


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